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Anonymous: Why is getting complimented by cis men a bad thing? Just curious. I mean a compliment is just a compliment at the end of the day right?

wangjarim:

yomokkori:

wangjarim:

yomokkori:

wangjarim:

yomokkori:

wangjarim:

bvsu:

Idk I just feel… violated? I just don’t like it when men look at me in general because I know what goes on in their minds. They scare me lmao

There is a VERY big difference between your best friend gal pal telling you that you’re beautiful and having some potentially sleazy cis het dude walk up to you like “hey I think you look beautiful.” Not all compliments are welcome, and it’s up to the recipient to determine whether one is ok or not. It also doesn’t help that most stranger cis het dude compliments are fueled by gross sexist values. “A compliment is just a compliment at the end of the day”? Yeah, you clearly haven’t felt what it’s like to be complimented by a gross man on the streets looking you up and down. AND before anybody comes crashing into my inbox like “NOT ALL MEN!11!!11!”, learn to differentiate between individuals and a general population when people are talking about big themes or smth. I’m not eloquent enough rn, I’m cutting this off.

I don’t know maybe I’m looking at the brighter side of things, but I can’t judge human beings (even “cis het” dudes) until I know their character or even get a small idea. You could be too judgmental on this but that’s just me…

Did you not read the last bit where I said it’s crucial for people to hold off on jumping into my inbox/notifs about this and consider that it’s extremely important to differentiate between individuals and a general population?

When we’re talking about big things like “why can’t you accept compliments from cis dudes happily,” then I’m going to talk about cis dudes as a big group because they’re a population of their own. Do you seriously think that kei (bvsu) and I don’t have the sense to know that “NOT ALL MEN!11!1” are gross or intending to harm?

That was NOT me saying that I’m going to go around judging every single cis dude as individuals. Of course I have enough brains to know that each person is their own?

Don’t put words in my mouth, and maybe next time, before getting offended and arguing back passive aggressively, consider reading things through? Because what you said is common sense, and needless to say, I feel incredibly insulted that you think I don’t know how to differentiate between an individual and a bigass group.

This is not me refusing to look at the “brighter” side of things. This is me being real, this is me talking about big themes in our society here & supporting where kei is coming from.

If you’re going to try to bring things down to the microscopic, individual level, then we’d have to be talking about specific people here, and we’re not, so… what you said to me is completely irrelevant.

I never put words into your mouth? And No, I did not see that. I’m not sticking up for no one here but just speaking my mind, sorry if that offends you. If you’re going to be offended, then by all means go for it. But aren’t you basically judging them as individuals already if that individual already said something to you? If they came at you with some thing that is very sexual and uncomfortable then I can understand the feeling, but just being called beautiful? I fail to see the problem, maybe I’m ignorant about this stuff and there’s more to it than that. I’d say just brush it off, chill. It ain’t as bad as you’re making it to be.

By suggesting that I’m saying something judgmental when literally I’m here passing none on any specific person, you’re putting words into my mouth. And you didn’t see it? Well, maybe you should have read through everything that I wrote before even considering to respond.

And dude, we don’t live in a vacuum. If you feel uncomfortable, it’s very likely that even a comment like “you’re beautiful” was inappropriately charged in some way, depending on the context. Does that vary? Hell yeah, it does. A really old man sitting at a park with his wife taking the time out of his day to tell me that I’m stunning? I can live with it, maybe depending on the time of day, I’ll be happy. Some guy on the streets randomly approaching me and saying “hey, you’re beautiful”? Sounds like a pass to me. Even if it’s just meant to be nice? Still sounds like a pass to me.

And that’s not me judging them as a person. It’s literally me putting up my defenses and preparing for the worst because unfortunately, living in this world means I can’t just let my guard down 24/7 and assume the best about every person I encounter.

Anyway, in general, is being approached by some stranger to be told that you’re beautiful kind of off-putting? Yeah. Why? Because you don’t know them, you don’t know what they’re capable of, and you don’t know what they’re intending. They could seem completely harmless and end up following you around. If you’re, say, a woman, then the basic wariness is always there simply because YOU HAVE 0 CONTEXT AND BACKGROUND INFO ABOUT THE GUY IN FRONT OF YOU.

This is esp a problem w/ cis guys because with their privilege, it’s extremely difficult for them to see just why their compliments aren’t “appreciated.” Like, how about you chill instead? Do you not get why there’s a defensiveness to begin with?

It’s not judging them as a person. It’s recognizing that there’s a chance that something can go horribly wrong.

This entire convo stems from kei feeling uncomfortable about cis dudes complimenting her, and honestly, her feelings are 100% valid and warranted. They’re there from past experiences and how our society is constructed.

"It ain’t as bad as you’re making it to be."

Please say that after you’ve had to wander the streets as someone woman-passing with more than a few compliments thrown your way. And maybe a load of slurs and threats to follow after you’ve refused to say “thanks” or acknowledge the compliments because you were simply looking out for yourself.

Like lmao please say that after you’ve had a guy stalk you on campus and hint at a possibility of rape because he found you “beautiful.” Please say that if you feel okay after said guy gets mad at you for not wanting to start a relationship with him.

Please say that if you feel okay after this type of shit happens over and over for you, happens to pals you care about, happens to family members, etc.

Please never say “BUT NOT ALL MEN!!1!!1!” when people are discussing big themes in society because it’s i r r e l e v a n t. The big concerns are very real and always present. You can’t just be “let’s favor the positive side!!!!11!” and harp on someone who just likes to feel safe and secure. If being wary makes me even a tiny bit safer, so be it.

Woah woah there. I’m chill, but are you? I understand the defenses, trust me. But at the end of the day, they are just words. Take them as you may. Words don’t affect people, actions do. So if they aren’t coming closer to you are any sketchy stuff then do not be bothered by it. Be real bothered if they look like they’re about to pull some shit. I can understand that in a society like this it is scary. But are you going to live in fear of men for the rest of your life? There is no right answer honestly. Do what you must to live a nice life.  

bruh you make it seem like people like me are living in constant paranoia without being capable of relaxation and happiness, and let me tell ya

if you were to really get what i was saying, you wouldn’t think that’s the case

this shit is ingrained into, at least for me personally, how i perceive things and act because as someone woman-passing in the world, it’s something i realized i should do from very early on

words don’t affect people? really?

i don’t know if you’ve ever seen or felt the repercussions of emotional and mental abuse or even just every day slurs being thrown around for no good reason, but if one thing piles on the next, it snowballs and it’s not at all something you can ignore and brush off so easily

have you experienced street harassment? ever actually been on the receiving end of it? even if it’s just verbal? because it’s really easy for you to say if you never have, and as someone not woman-passing, your opinion literally has 0 weight on this

women are overwhelmingly the target of these abuses

"there is no right answer"

b r u h i’m not even gonna deign this bit with a response

"fear of men"

it’s called justified wariness, and no, it doesn’t necessarily bring down the quality of life because hmmmmmm, it seems, that being born into the world as someone woman-passing, i’ve had to adapt from very very early on!!!!!! wow what an idea

stop making it seem like women-passing people are making their own lives miserable by being aware of the shit that goes down everywhere. do we have a choice? dude, not really. it’s not like we asked to be born into a society like this one, and need i even elaborate?

this isn’t some voluntary/self-inflicted mental torture like you’re making it seem

it’s a justified defense mechanism that you have no right, as a male-passing person on the streets, to describe as lowering someone’s own quality of life

when literally none of us asked this kind of bullshit

be completely carefree and open and optimistic and be at a greater risk to something terrible OR be wary and watch out for yourself? yeah, what great options these are! (to everyone: not to say that victims of sexual abuse and any kind of abuse at all haven’t looked out for themselves or should have b/c abuse is wrong no matter what, but yeah, can we pls look at the ~choices~ we’re given)

lmao this guy is ignoring all the arguments and pulling the BUT IN A VACUUM-SEALED WORLD, U CANT BE AFRAID OF MEN lmao ofc treating her arguments as if shes just ~THINKING TOO DEEP~ typical so typical

Anonymous: Why is getting complimented by cis men a bad thing? Just curious. I mean a compliment is just a compliment at the end of the day right?

wangjarim:

yomokkori:

wangjarim:

yomokkori:

wangjarim:

bvsu:

Idk I just feel… violated? I just don’t like it when men look at me in general because I know what goes on in their minds. They scare me lmao

There is a VERY big difference between your best friend gal pal telling you that you’re beautiful and having some potentially sleazy cis het dude walk up to you like “hey I think you look beautiful.” Not all compliments are welcome, and it’s up to the recipient to determine whether one is ok or not. It also doesn’t help that most stranger cis het dude compliments are fueled by gross sexist values. “A compliment is just a compliment at the end of the day”? Yeah, you clearly haven’t felt what it’s like to be complimented by a gross man on the streets looking you up and down. AND before anybody comes crashing into my inbox like “NOT ALL MEN!11!!11!”, learn to differentiate between individuals and a general population when people are talking about big themes or smth. I’m not eloquent enough rn, I’m cutting this off.

I don’t know maybe I’m looking at the brighter side of things, but I can’t judge human beings (even “cis het” dudes) until I know their character or even get a small idea. You could be too judgmental on this but that’s just me…

Did you not read the last bit where I said it’s crucial for people to hold off on jumping into my inbox/notifs about this and consider that it’s extremely important to differentiate between individuals and a general population?

When we’re talking about big things like “why can’t you accept compliments from cis dudes happily,” then I’m going to talk about cis dudes as a big group because they’re a population of their own. Do you seriously think that kei (bvsu) and I don’t have the sense to know that “NOT ALL MEN!11!1” are gross or intending to harm?

That was NOT me saying that I’m going to go around judging every single cis dude as individuals. Of course I have enough brains to know that each person is their own?

Don’t put words in my mouth, and maybe next time, before getting offended and arguing back passive aggressively, consider reading things through? Because what you said is common sense, and needless to say, I feel incredibly insulted that you think I don’t know how to differentiate between an individual and a bigass group.

This is not me refusing to look at the “brighter” side of things. This is me being real, this is me talking about big themes in our society here & supporting where kei is coming from.

If you’re going to try to bring things down to the microscopic, individual level, then we’d have to be talking about specific people here, and we’re not, so… what you said to me is completely irrelevant.

I never put words into your mouth? And No, I did not see that. I’m not sticking up for no one here but just speaking my mind, sorry if that offends you. If you’re going to be offended, then by all means go for it. But aren’t you basically judging them as individuals already if that individual already said something to you? If they came at you with some thing that is very sexual and uncomfortable then I can understand the feeling, but just being called beautiful? I fail to see the problem, maybe I’m ignorant about this stuff and there’s more to it than that. I’d say just brush it off, chill. It ain’t as bad as you’re making it to be.

By suggesting that I’m saying something judgmental when literally I’m here passing none on any specific person, you’re putting words into my mouth. And you didn’t see it? Well, maybe you should have read through everything that I wrote before even considering to respond.

And dude, we don’t live in a vacuum. If you feel uncomfortable, it’s very likely that even a comment like “you’re beautiful” was inappropriately charged in some way, depending on the context. Does that vary? Hell yeah, it does. A really old man sitting at a park with his wife taking the time out of his day to tell me that I’m stunning? I can live with it, maybe depending on the time of day, I’ll be happy. Some guy on the streets randomly approaching me and saying “hey, you’re beautiful”? Sounds like a pass to me. Even if it’s just meant to be nice? Still sounds like a pass to me.

And that’s not me judging them as a person. It’s literally me putting up my defenses and preparing for the worst because unfortunately, living in this world means I can’t just let my guard down 24/7 and assume the best about every person I encounter.

Anyway, in general, is being approached by some stranger to be told that you’re beautiful kind of off-putting? Yeah. Why? Because you don’t know them, you don’t know what they’re capable of, and you don’t know what they’re intending. They could seem completely harmless and end up following you around. If you’re, say, a woman, then the basic wariness is always there simply because YOU HAVE 0 CONTEXT AND BACKGROUND INFO ABOUT THE GUY IN FRONT OF YOU.

This is esp a problem w/ cis guys because with their privilege, it’s extremely difficult for them to see just why their compliments aren’t “appreciated.” Like, how about you chill instead? Do you not get why there’s a defensiveness to begin with?

It’s not judging them as a person. It’s recognizing that there’s a chance that something can go horribly wrong.

This entire convo stems from kei feeling uncomfortable about cis dudes complimenting her, and honestly, her feelings are 100% valid and warranted. They’re there from past experiences and how our society is constructed.

"It ain’t as bad as you’re making it to be."

Please say that after you’ve had to wander the streets as someone woman-passing with more than a few compliments thrown your way. And maybe a load of slurs and threats to follow after you’ve refused to say “thanks” or acknowledge the compliments because you were simply looking out for yourself.

Like lmao please say that after you’ve had a guy stalk you on campus and hint at a possibility of rape because he found you “beautiful.” Please say that if you feel okay after said guy gets mad at you for not wanting to start a relationship with him.

Please say that if you feel okay after this type of shit happens over and over for you, happens to pals you care about, happens to family members, etc.

Please never say “BUT NOT ALL MEN!!1!!1!” when people are discussing big themes in society because it’s i r r e l e v a n t. The big concerns are very real and always present. You can’t just be “let’s favor the positive side!!!!11!” and harp on someone who just likes to feel safe and secure. If being wary makes me even a tiny bit safer, so be it.

yeah seriously dude you dont exactly know what its like living the way many women do, ever since we developed some shape in our bodies cis men come up to me and ask for our numbers or asking if we want to “go with them”

this fucking shit happens since age 12 and it doesnt fucking stop because men dont know what it is like and are socialized to think a woman should accept a compliment no matter what. do you fucking know what its like being harassed and catcalled from age 12 onwards? from only cis men? and being powerless because when it comes down to it you can’t stop them if they decide to harm you?

then sit the hell down about generalization because the harm done by generalizing is far less than the actual shit that happens to women everywhere, think about where the pain actually lies

shrek one:BEST
shrek two:the funniest movie i have ever seen. literally one of the funniest comedies of all time. incredible pacing and dialogue. reference jokes that were actually funny. surreal world that was so modern fantasy it actually worked. rocking score. awesome scene set to "i need a hero" being sung by the villain unironically and completely played straight. a bar of villains. just overall the best concepts ever.
shrek three:bad
shrek four:bad